We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
