just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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