dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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