I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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