so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
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I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
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i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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