rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
