Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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