ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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