someone owes me an orgasm
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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