I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
