If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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