Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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