If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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