so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
