I bet he comes in French.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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