Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
