On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
