once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
