he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
