Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
