It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
