hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
