It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
