I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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