He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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