i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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