Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
