Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
