Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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