My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
