I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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