he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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