in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My pussy is not your playground.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
