just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
