A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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