it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize