So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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