addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he was CRYING into my vagina
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
