this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize