Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
