He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
