dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
