Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm like, not good at living.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
