everyone is single if you try hard enough
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
