apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
