she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
