I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize