12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
how does that bad decision feel?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
