They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
