The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
