so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
