Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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