can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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