i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
