I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
