I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
