Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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