Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
