Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
