Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
